Glad I discovered this. "Adronitis" is a word (albeit a made-up one by John Koenig in his book) I learned about a while back that he defines as "the frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone." I think part of the frustration we feel is due to what's described here - the knowledge that much of the richness of a relationship can only come with time, no matter how much we try to force closeness. Well said, and beautiful piece.
"it’s sharing these things as they are happening, expressing your anger and anxiety and sadness while you still haven’t resolved them". - this is so beautiful and now that I reflect on this, it makes so much sense. And it's so heartwarming to see that text screenshot. So a friend like this is possible! Hmmm.
my best friend passed away earlier this year I was more than struck when the people who I thought would hold me kind of just abandoned me, but there was one that did not.
I fear that friends will abandon each other in all this hyper therapy talk "you don't owe anyone anything" but yes you do owe people yourself--even at their absolute worse.
Beautiful. I want to add that by showing up this way for others and allowing them to do the same, no matter what unfolds in the relationship, whether they leave you for a new city or a path that no longer twists with yours, you can smile knowing you were fully part of their life, and they yours. If even for a chapter.
I've been ruminating on this exact topic, and I've always had a hard time of sharing something difficult in my life as it's happening, even to people I consider my closest friends. Yet, reading your post reminds me of how important is it to go *there* to know the right people in my life. Thank you for this. I'm feeling extra grateful for the ones who have stayed.
I’ve recently had a friend I considered true to find me in that moment and completely abandon me. So reading this makes me feel more courageous about stepping into a reality away from her. Thank you💞
I’ve discovered that understanding yourself helps alleviate the worries about how long it takes to truly know someone else. Connecting with another person is a wonderful experience, but knowing yourself enhances that connection even more.
Glad I discovered this. "Adronitis" is a word (albeit a made-up one by John Koenig in his book) I learned about a while back that he defines as "the frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone." I think part of the frustration we feel is due to what's described here - the knowledge that much of the richness of a relationship can only come with time, no matter how much we try to force closeness. Well said, and beautiful piece.
great way to put it and thank you!
"it’s sharing these things as they are happening, expressing your anger and anxiety and sadness while you still haven’t resolved them". - this is so beautiful and now that I reflect on this, it makes so much sense. And it's so heartwarming to see that text screenshot. So a friend like this is possible! Hmmm.
my best friend passed away earlier this year I was more than struck when the people who I thought would hold me kind of just abandoned me, but there was one that did not.
I fear that friends will abandon each other in all this hyper therapy talk "you don't owe anyone anything" but yes you do owe people yourself--even at their absolute worse.
Beautiful. I want to add that by showing up this way for others and allowing them to do the same, no matter what unfolds in the relationship, whether they leave you for a new city or a path that no longer twists with yours, you can smile knowing you were fully part of their life, and they yours. If even for a chapter.
thanks dennis :) indeed, there is something special about it no matter how long it lasts
This put to words what my clustered mind has been trying to verbalise to itself for ages.
as an avoidant person, this made me tear up
I've been ruminating on this exact topic, and I've always had a hard time of sharing something difficult in my life as it's happening, even to people I consider my closest friends. Yet, reading your post reminds me of how important is it to go *there* to know the right people in my life. Thank you for this. I'm feeling extra grateful for the ones who have stayed.
glad to hear that :)
I’ve recently had a friend I considered true to find me in that moment and completely abandon me. So reading this makes me feel more courageous about stepping into a reality away from her. Thank you💞
how dare you (this is so beautiful and I’m crying in a coffee shop)
this is so real and i needed it
a good cry before i go to sleep
This is so beautiful.
😭😭😭😭😭
I’m just going to let this yellow kite drift across my sky for a bit. Thank you kite launcher
I’ve discovered that understanding yourself helps alleviate the worries about how long it takes to truly know someone else. Connecting with another person is a wonderful experience, but knowing yourself enhances that connection even more.
This is so relevant! Thank you for writing something so vulnerable