Glad I discovered this. "Adronitis" is a word (albeit a made-up one by John Koenig in his book) I learned about a while back that he defines as "the frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone." I think part of the frustration we feel is due to what's described here - the knowledge that much of the richness of a relationship can only come with time, no matter how much we try to force closeness. Well said, and beautiful piece.
"it’s sharing these things as they are happening, expressing your anger and anxiety and sadness while you still haven’t resolved them". - this is so beautiful and now that I reflect on this, it makes so much sense. And it's so heartwarming to see that text screenshot. So a friend like this is possible! Hmmm.
my best friend passed away earlier this year I was more than struck when the people who I thought would hold me kind of just abandoned me, but there was one that did not.
I fear that friends will abandon each other in all this hyper therapy talk "you don't owe anyone anything" but yes you do owe people yourself--even at their absolute worse.
Beautiful. I want to add that by showing up this way for others and allowing them to do the same, no matter what unfolds in the relationship, whether they leave you for a new city or a path that no longer twists with yours, you can smile knowing you were fully part of their life, and they yours. If even for a chapter.
I've been ruminating on this exact topic, and I've always had a hard time of sharing something difficult in my life as it's happening, even to people I consider my closest friends. Yet, reading your post reminds me of how important is it to go *there* to know the right people in my life. Thank you for this. I'm feeling extra grateful for the ones who have stayed.
I’ve recently had a friend I considered true to find me in that moment and completely abandon me. So reading this makes me feel more courageous about stepping into a reality away from her. Thank you💞
damn. Love this. I've only had 1 best friend. we met in class 4 and currently we're 22. He has moved out of the country for further studies and carrier but damn It still feels safe to have someone by your side.
I loved this so much, reading this struck a chord in me bec just recently I travelled with my childhood friends (26 years!) and for the first time I got angry at them, cried and stormed out of the hangout. No one came running after me and I thought the exact same way you did: friendships are sealed, I will be making my way home alone. But my friends treated this so casually, they went to an arcade to play a game while I cried and when I was done they said let’s go home? Later I asked my friend why no one came after me and they said it’s because I’ve always made it a point to leave me alone — which got me thinking how u treat yourself sets an example for others on how they treat you too. He said but it doesn’t mean we’ll leave you or that you did something unfogiverbale. You were upset and that’s ok? And I was like huh?? So not abandoning is a thing??
Glad I discovered this. "Adronitis" is a word (albeit a made-up one by John Koenig in his book) I learned about a while back that he defines as "the frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone." I think part of the frustration we feel is due to what's described here - the knowledge that much of the richness of a relationship can only come with time, no matter how much we try to force closeness. Well said, and beautiful piece.
great way to put it and thank you!
"it’s sharing these things as they are happening, expressing your anger and anxiety and sadness while you still haven’t resolved them". - this is so beautiful and now that I reflect on this, it makes so much sense. And it's so heartwarming to see that text screenshot. So a friend like this is possible! Hmmm.
my best friend passed away earlier this year I was more than struck when the people who I thought would hold me kind of just abandoned me, but there was one that did not.
I fear that friends will abandon each other in all this hyper therapy talk "you don't owe anyone anything" but yes you do owe people yourself--even at their absolute worse.
Beautiful. I want to add that by showing up this way for others and allowing them to do the same, no matter what unfolds in the relationship, whether they leave you for a new city or a path that no longer twists with yours, you can smile knowing you were fully part of their life, and they yours. If even for a chapter.
thanks dennis :) indeed, there is something special about it no matter how long it lasts
I've been ruminating on this exact topic, and I've always had a hard time of sharing something difficult in my life as it's happening, even to people I consider my closest friends. Yet, reading your post reminds me of how important is it to go *there* to know the right people in my life. Thank you for this. I'm feeling extra grateful for the ones who have stayed.
glad to hear that :)
as an avoidant person, this made me tear up
This put to words what my clustered mind has been trying to verbalise to itself for ages.
I’ve recently had a friend I considered true to find me in that moment and completely abandon me. So reading this makes me feel more courageous about stepping into a reality away from her. Thank you💞
a good cry before i go to sleep
how dare you (this is so beautiful and I’m crying in a coffee shop)
this is so real and i needed it
I’m just going to let this yellow kite drift across my sky for a bit. Thank you kite launcher
This is so beautiful.
damn. Love this. I've only had 1 best friend. we met in class 4 and currently we're 22. He has moved out of the country for further studies and carrier but damn It still feels safe to have someone by your side.
😭😭😭😭😭
I loved this so much, reading this struck a chord in me bec just recently I travelled with my childhood friends (26 years!) and for the first time I got angry at them, cried and stormed out of the hangout. No one came running after me and I thought the exact same way you did: friendships are sealed, I will be making my way home alone. But my friends treated this so casually, they went to an arcade to play a game while I cried and when I was done they said let’s go home? Later I asked my friend why no one came after me and they said it’s because I’ve always made it a point to leave me alone — which got me thinking how u treat yourself sets an example for others on how they treat you too. He said but it doesn’t mean we’ll leave you or that you did something unfogiverbale. You were upset and that’s ok? And I was like huh?? So not abandoning is a thing??
But yeah thanku for this, I loved reading this!
I'm so glad to hear that, beautiful story