Love this one! When I already know what I want to do, but am scared of choosing it, I find myself asking a bunch of other people for advice, but really I’m just looking for permission/validation - that’s when I know it’s just time to make the leap. Hope your move went well Kas!
As someone who interviews other people trying to understand why and how someone makes decisions, many of your thoughts keep bringing me back to Thich Nhat Hanh's quote that goes something like, "Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness...." There's no one true way to do something... and it always seems more straightforward in hindsight.
I also resonate deeply with this part of your post: "The main thing I’ve learned about decisions is that you can never really know the right answer." Making decisions is hard, sometimes easy, but regardless of difficulty level and how much time is spent laboring over the decision itself, you're absolutely right (to me) in just choosing. Often, we forget that not making a choice is also a choice itself.
When deciding, I consider what worst could happen if I pick one option over another. Then, depending on the downside and overall significance of the decision on my life, I research the possibilities. However, I avoid overanalyzing by setting a time limit since, in the age of the internet and AI, you can keep looking for more information and not decide for a while or never.
Moreover, I always remember that I will not always be correct and what I will do if I am wrong. I have seen many people who do not want to be incorrect or make mistakes, and that’s why they do not make decisions. However, being wrong is part of the learning process, which allows anyone to be a better decision-maker.
In most cases, you need to be an above-average decision-maker to have a decent life outcome.
This reminds me of Cal Newport 2012 NYT article in which he describes his "fork in the road" as a college senior of what to do after graduation — he could decide to do a PhD at MIT, become a writer, or work at Microsoft. He belabors on what it means to "follow your passion" — but, in the end, it comes down to this — "There’s nothing special about my choosing this particular path. What mattered is what I did once I made my choice."
Just the word “should” alerts me when I’m in danger of letting other people’s opinions (or my own unexplored prejudices) make my decisions for me. Certainty closes doors on limitless possibilities for the sake of comfort. All choices are a gamble. Right or wrong we will have to deal with unforeseen consequences. I trust my own decisions as long as I resist comforting lies.
Love this one! When I already know what I want to do, but am scared of choosing it, I find myself asking a bunch of other people for advice, but really I’m just looking for permission/validation - that’s when I know it’s just time to make the leap. Hope your move went well Kas!
thanks Liv!
As someone who interviews other people trying to understand why and how someone makes decisions, many of your thoughts keep bringing me back to Thich Nhat Hanh's quote that goes something like, "Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness...." There's no one true way to do something... and it always seems more straightforward in hindsight.
I also resonate deeply with this part of your post: "The main thing I’ve learned about decisions is that you can never really know the right answer." Making decisions is hard, sometimes easy, but regardless of difficulty level and how much time is spent laboring over the decision itself, you're absolutely right (to me) in just choosing. Often, we forget that not making a choice is also a choice itself.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Kasra!
Here is what has worked for me:
When deciding, I consider what worst could happen if I pick one option over another. Then, depending on the downside and overall significance of the decision on my life, I research the possibilities. However, I avoid overanalyzing by setting a time limit since, in the age of the internet and AI, you can keep looking for more information and not decide for a while or never.
Moreover, I always remember that I will not always be correct and what I will do if I am wrong. I have seen many people who do not want to be incorrect or make mistakes, and that’s why they do not make decisions. However, being wrong is part of the learning process, which allows anyone to be a better decision-maker.
In most cases, you need to be an above-average decision-maker to have a decent life outcome.
This reminds me of Cal Newport 2012 NYT article in which he describes his "fork in the road" as a college senior of what to do after graduation — he could decide to do a PhD at MIT, become a writer, or work at Microsoft. He belabors on what it means to "follow your passion" — but, in the end, it comes down to this — "There’s nothing special about my choosing this particular path. What mattered is what I did once I made my choice."
https://www.nytimes.com/2012/09/30/jobs/follow-a-career-passion-let-it-follow-you.html
wow this was great, thanks for sharing!
Just the word “should” alerts me when I’m in danger of letting other people’s opinions (or my own unexplored prejudices) make my decisions for me. Certainty closes doors on limitless possibilities for the sake of comfort. All choices are a gamble. Right or wrong we will have to deal with unforeseen consequences. I trust my own decisions as long as I resist comforting lies.
This is a moving essay. I am delighted to have read it late at night.